18Nov, 2014

Start Where You Are, Not Where You Were

 

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A few of Go Girls new mommies with their babies.

I was given control of this blog about three weeks ago now, and I haven’t really written much.  One of the reasons is because I just simply don’t have time.  People just assume that when you’re on mat leave, that you have all the time in the world.  I admit, I was one of those people.  I always saw new moms with freshly manicured hands, pushing their strollers in the mall sipping a latte, and thought “wow, I can’t wait to be on mat leave”.  Yea, no.  not quite.  My little 6 month old munchkin is pretty much attached to my hip.  (Her dad calls her a handbag baby).  Time constraints aside, the biggest reason why I haven’t written is because I am an honest writer.  I can only write about what I know, and how I feel, and I wasn’t so sure about sharing my personal story with so many people.  So in saying that, here goes peronsal blog post #1.

I woke up this morning to a sink full of dishes.  Wait, no.  I went to bed with a sink full of dishes.  You know, the dishes and pots that were used to serve the food that belongs to no one, so they are left in the sink for the magical dishwashing fairy to wash them overnight?  Yea, those ones.  I hate leaving dishes in the sink, but last night I just couldn’t do it.  My eye lids were just too heavy with sleep and I just had to let them be.

Back to where I was.  I woke up this morning to a sink full of dishes that had to be washed, a baby that had to be fed, changed, bathed and burped, groceries that had to be purchased, and an Instagram and Facebook account for Go Girl that needed tending to.  I realize that as a representative for Go Girl, I can’t just write about it, I have to BE about it.  I can’t sit here behind my computer and post daily messages to motivate women to “just start”, “not quit”,and “keep going”.  So, with all of those responsibilities that had to be taken care of, just how was I going to make the time to BE about it?

Anyone who knows me knows that I am always my own worst critic.  I think we all are.  My expectations for myself always far exceeds what others expect from me.  When I was pregnant, all I could think about was how I was going to get my body back into shape.  I would do a walk through in my head about leaving a pleasantly sleeping baby at home in the morning while I quickly ran out and did a 6AM class at Go Girl.   Then I would think about what I would do in the gym.  I would think about how my body would be able to do what it used to do before I had the baby, the pounds of weights that I used to lift, the reps that I used to complete, and the intensity level that I used to do them at.  Why couldn’t I achieve those goals?  Celebrities do them all the time right?  They have babies, and BAM, 3 months later, they’re in super sexy shape.  All I needed was to have that want and desire, right?  Wrong!  I’m famous for telling people that if they convince their minds, their bodies will do what the mind tells it to do.  So, why I now saying that this is wrong?

I am saying this is wrong because no matter how much I want it, if that little 6 month old baby is not feeling it, I can want until the cow comes home and it ain’t happenin!  Forget the manicured hands, and the strolls in the mall with a Starbucks latte in hand.  All I want is one hour to bring my body to exhaustion, is that too much to ask?

Realizing that I couldn’t rely on her father to get home in time in the evenings for me to make it to Go Girls, I recently decided to join a gym.  (Don’t get me wrong, Go Girl is my first choice and I rush there every chance that I get.  The energy, and support is something that can not be compared to.)   “Wow, they offer child care, GREAT!  Now you can get your sweat on, no problem”  Yea, not so much.  Again, just because I want to go to the gym, and just because the gym offers child care, does not mean that A) getting out of the house would be easy, and B) little munchkin would open to being with a stranger for over an hour.

Gone are the days where I can be strict with my diet, where I can just quickly grab my gym bag and run to the gym whenever I wanted.  Also gone are the days where I used to go from 1 hour of Bootcamp, straight to another hour of hot yoga.  Now, just to make it out the door, I have to make sure she’s fed, changed, dressed for the winter and her diaper bag packed with all of her toys, binkies, wipes, diapers and Baby Mum Mums.  Then, with her diaper bag and my gym bag in one hand, I have to also carry this 18lbs+ baby in a seemingly heavier carseat in the other hand, and make it the car in the garage while remembering not to forget my headphones, water bottle, phone and car keys.  Now, repeat those steps three more times for when I’m going into the gym, when I’m leaving the gym, and when I’m finally home.

There are a lot of people who tell me to just take it easy, to enjoy my little one, and that my body will get back to shape in no time.  I’m sorry, that is just not me.  If ever I wanted to make excuses about working out, now would be the time, but that just isn’t me.  I just can’t sit here knowing that I want something so bad, but I’m not doing anything about it to achieve it.

A few weeks ago, one of my coaches who is also a new mom, said something that really stuck with me.  She said “start where you are, not where you were”.  I still have a hard time processing and accepting the limitations of what my body is capable of doing sometimes, but I find it easier when I repeat that saying in my head.

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Let’s face it. My circumstances have changed a lot since last year.  I am usually sleep deprived…who am I kidding, I am ALWAYS sleep deprived, so just having the energy to make it out of the house with all of those obstacles is a challenge.  I am also still nursing, so supplements are out of the question (no BCAAs 🙁 ), and my little baby girl is currently my boss.  She dictates if and when things happen, and that’s just the way things are going to be.

Being that Go Girl is a women only gym, I have new found appreciation for all the moms who make time for their health.  I am not trying to go to the gym so that I can just look good.  I am doing it for my health, and I also want to set a good example for those around me.

I have the WILL, and little by little, step by step, munch and I will figure this out!

(Munch just woke up, and duty calls, ta ta for now.)

 

<3 YL

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